they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
