We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
