so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hippo gnu deer
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
