I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
