We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
