So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
