She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
