It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize