no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
