I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
