1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
