i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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