we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
