we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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