Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
