He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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