i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
