you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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