Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
