pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
