If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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