I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you had me at cake vodka
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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