She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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