I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
