you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Its about making memories worth repressing
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
