I'm drive I can fine osifer
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
