Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
