R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
