I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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