Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
