no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
