just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
