I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
