he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
