The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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