I cockslap morals
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
