Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
