You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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