he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
