8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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