I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
