I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
