He is such a slut. More and more my type.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
