So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
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I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
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Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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