Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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