I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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