I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
