dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
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I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
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my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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