I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
