About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
