i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
