I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
