if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
