I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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