so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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