we have pet lesbian snakes
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
