also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's shark week go big or go home
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
