I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
