I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
