matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I cut my penus on the lid.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize